“There is something excruciating about the rare experience of a bachelorette party when you’re in your mid-thirties. Gone are the days of putting on your slinkiest dress and a sash that says “Bachelorette Party” (but that means “Buy me a drink, I’m not the one getting married and I am using all of my mental faculties not to think about that”), going bar-hopping while cute guys buy you blow job shots, and dancing until dawn.”